Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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