Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
