Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
