i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
