I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
