What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
