Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
