Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
