i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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