I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
