I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
