I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
