Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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