So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
