If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
