You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
