I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
