i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
