God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
