He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
