We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
