a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
