Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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