My room smells like vodka and shame
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
