dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
