There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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