i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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