it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
