Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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