I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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