well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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