Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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