I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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