oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
