bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
