haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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