She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
