I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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