I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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