I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
