I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
