my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
