That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
