Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
