I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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