i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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