i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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