guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
