Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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