Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
