I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
