Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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