Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
