Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
