Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
