Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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