He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
