I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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