I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
