My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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